I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
