If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
