I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
