if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
