When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
