His hands were made for my vagina.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
As shirtless as possible
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
