Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
