yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
