Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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