Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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