Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
