New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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