Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize