hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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