I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize