He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
