You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize