my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
