i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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