just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
