I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
