That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
