Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
