its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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