she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
