I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
