Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
