i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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