Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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