i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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