A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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