ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
