Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
