Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
