we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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