I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize