well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize