No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
