So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
