Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
