We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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