My sheets look like a crime scene.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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