I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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