Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
