did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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