Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize