I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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