alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
