i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
