I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
