He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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