Im at strip club and am horny
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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