You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize