I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Randomize
