I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
