Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
