I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
