I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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