He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
