is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
