I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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