sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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