You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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