You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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