I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
