This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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