I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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