i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
