So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
