I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
