After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize