I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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