I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
