We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
