She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
