Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
