I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am available for nakedness
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
