Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
