Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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