mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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