I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize